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Post by Ratqueen on Jun 10, 2009 10:37:37 GMT -5
Just wondering what your experience and opinion is on this. I was mostly thinking about cheating in relationships, but it could be about other things too (like cheating in shows). I purposefully didn't put an "Other/depends" choice because, if this statement is anything else but true, then it's actually false. Or just pick whichever is most often the case in your opinion. Feel free to elaborate though
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Post by Rinkái on Jun 10, 2009 10:47:47 GMT -5
I personally find that it's generally true - there can be exceptions but they're few and far between - so I put true. (:
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Post by Alex@Marvel on Jun 10, 2009 11:26:02 GMT -5
I second that.
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Post by Ratqueen on Jun 10, 2009 11:30:34 GMT -5
Yep, as much as I'd prefer to believe the contrary, it's also been my experience Doesn't mean it's always the case, but most often yes.
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Post by loxfiredance on Jun 10, 2009 12:47:42 GMT -5
Very true.
I think people can change in other ways though - like people who give up smoking or drinking, aren't always necessarily smokers or drinkers.
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Post by Ela @ GK on Jun 10, 2009 16:59:57 GMT -5
In my opinion, True.
I have yet to have seen, met, or heard of a cheater changing their ways. I have heard of cheaters not cheating for X amount of time passing, but in the end, I find that every cheater I have ever met or heard of has reverted back to cheating in some way.
I do think people can change to some extent, but with things (like cheating) that are hardwired into your moral set, I find it is highly unlikely that they will change.
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Post by Zekumi on Jun 10, 2009 18:04:20 GMT -5
*nodnod* There's always the odd man out, I suppose, but if it's not drastically against your morals once (or you've put yourself in a position where your sensibilities are compromised, like with drugs or alcohol) then I really doubt anythings going to undoubtedly keep it from happening a second time.
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Post by Teh Skitch on Jun 11, 2009 19:00:43 GMT -5
I think that this kinda comes out of habits and if someone gets into a habit of cheating or lying, then they probably won't stop. Also, as far as cheating in relationships goes, typically the letters go like this: "I found out my husband/wife/whatever was cheating on me. When I confronted them about it, they said they would stop, but yesterday I caught them with a different person! What should I do?" Variations: How many times the person has cheated (record I think was four), with whom. Yadda, yadda, yadda. Idiots all. I think that problem with the above scenario is that the cheater has absolutely nothing to gain by NOT cheating and they don't lose anything when they ARE caught cheating. I also think that those who lose things by cheating are more apt to stop than those who just gain.
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Post by Ela @ GK on Jun 11, 2009 20:49:11 GMT -5
I think it may be different with guys though because many of them are overly hormonal bastards. :< who knows! As much as people seem to skip past it, females are overly horomonal too and many (if not equal to guys) are sex-driven (one common 'excuse' people fall on when cheating). Women are just much more discrete about both (hormones and sex drive) because women are looked on with disrespect (called whores, sluts, and bitches) when they are sexual or hormonal... whereas men are looked on with respect and envy - even though both exhibit the same traits (sexual, angry, irrational, etc). On terms of attraction, I do agree that how attracted one feels toward their partner can affect whether they cheat or not, but it is not an excuse. If you aren't attracted to your partner anymore or are attracted to others more than you are in your partner, it is your responsibility to break things off before you move to someone you find more attractive. There is not justification out there that makes cheating acceptable. - - Randomly off/on topic: Honestly, I have met more female cheaters than I have male cheaters...
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Post by Spell on Jun 11, 2009 21:47:56 GMT -5
^Please remember to keep things PG here
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Post by Lady Kika ♥ on Jun 12, 2009 2:50:03 GMT -5
Well, I don't think I'm going to vote on this. It varies too much for me. There's too many things that can happen to make someone cheat that many people just don't take into account. (I'm not saying I'm any different, I'm just saying this is what I've noticed.)
P.S. (in the middle of a post, yes) this might not make much sense but please try to follow along as it's late and i'm quite dead x__x;
The attraction I'd have to the other guy, how things are going with my boyfriend, and who the other guy is/my relationship with him; those would be my top three for me. But, personally, if I were to cheat on someone, I don't think I'd be able to handle being with them anymore knowing what I did. I'd blame myself (no matter what my reasons were) and I think I'd leave my boyfriend. I think that if someone where to cheat on me, I'd try to evaluate it as: was it an on-the-side relationship or an of-the-moment, one-time thing? does he have a history of doing this? also, in the future, would he compare me to her? would he go back to her (while still with me) if given the chance?
I'd say that, when you're in a situation like that, it's hard to even think about that and I suppose half the time it's pointless, but sometimes, I think that by directing that quote at someone, you're judging them (and the situation) without giving it a chance. I know alot of people (and I'm sure you do too) that make mistakes, and learn from them. I agree that some people don't learn, but I really think everyone deserves the chance for mistakes and also the chance to change and not make those same mistakes again. But in my defence (since I'm expecting tomatos being thrown at me any second now), I'd say this is more for past-cheaters, not current-cheaters? (past-cheaters: people that have cheated in the past on other girls/guys but haven't cheated on you specifically)
I guess, I just don't like judging people based on one or two mistakes. Once a cheater, second a chance? <3
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Post by Rinkái on Jun 12, 2009 9:20:32 GMT -5
^ I'm all for giving people second chances, but it doesn't mean I trust them immediately... if someone's done something (for example, cheating) then I would be far more wary towards them in the beginning, but if they were obviously truthful about their intentions to never do it again, I would probably open up more.
However, it's very rare to find someone who can look one in the eye and truthfully say that they won't do something (drugs, alcohol, stealing, cheating) that they've done in the past, ever again. If they've lowered themselves to that level before, and risked losing peoples' trust, why would they not do it again? It's hard to regain morals once you've broken your own code of conduct.
However, I did say that there are exceptions to the rule; for example, my aunt used to smoke... until she got pregnant, when she quit and she's never touched a cigarette again for 12 years. So people can stop themselves from doing these things, quit and become a new person. Focusing on cheating, just cheating, however is different.. I can't really comment on cheating alone, because I've a lack of experience on the subject. Personally, I think people should give second chances in rare situations. If they were drunk when they did it, then it might be a genuine mistake. If it's a relationship, though... then if you forgive, it's taking away all the bad concequences that keep people from cheating in the first place. Because you've not... well, for lack of better word, "punishing" this bad thing, the mind may subconsciously think well what have we got to lose?
But yeah... some people can reform, but they're unfortunately rare in this world. As are the people who actually deserve second chances. :C
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Post by loxfiredance on Jun 12, 2009 17:33:23 GMT -5
In relationships, all infedelity is wrong.
Sorry, but it's never OK to betray someone's trust. I admit I cheated on one or two of my boyfriends when I was a young teenager, but as I got older, I realised how gross it was.
I'd never betray JonO and I'd hope he'd never do the dirty on me!
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Post by Sp4ce C4se on Jun 15, 2009 8:37:10 GMT -5
I think that the majority of cheaters will always be so. However, I will not generalize that, because it's not as if I've never cheated. I've cheated on tests etc., but also I've cheated in a relationship. I'd never do it again, considering I almost ended my life due to the 2 years of depression and horrible, physical pangs of guilt I went through afterward (and still feel today).
Then there are people who feel no remorse for cheating, and have an overdeveloped sense of entitlement. They think they deserve to do what they want to get what they want. They'll probably always be cheaters.
Anyone can change for the better if they choose to do so. Most people just... don't.
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